A/N: The images displayed in this essay are not mine–Thank Goddess for Tumblr, Pinterest and KStewartFan.org. Click the image for a link to pictures’ origins. So very unbeta’d–all mistakes and typos are mine, all mine. Musical playlist and GIVEAWAY NOTES at the bottom. Click the “Sign Me Up!” button in the side panel to receive MOO notifications in your Email…riiiiiight over heeeeeerrrre——->
“Architecture is always the spatial expression of a spiritual decision”
~Ludwig Miche van der Roche
*waves shyly* Hello, you extraordinary, and profoundly regal rebels! I do hope this new, long-overdue Musings finds you and yours healthy and well. Happy December! I’m sorry I’ve been away for as long as I have, it was never my intention. I was floating amongst tents and wristbands and numerous Breaking Dawn viewings. Then Thanksgiving rolled into town along with my mother, and between my jobs, the holiday season kick-off and family illnesses, I haven’t been able to muse along with you, my favorite people, about one of my favorite people: Kristen Stewart in tooooo long. So, first and foremost, I must tell you:
I MISS YOU!
When I last posted a full-fledged Musings, it was a day or two before my birthday and I had just started my new job. Suddenly any time I had to myself and to connect with you all became severely limited. I hadn’t even gotten the chance to properly thank you for the unbelievable birthday wishes, messages, blogs (lovingly side-eyes @Mel452 and @Nhess_V), cards, gifts and tweets you sent my way. You all are miraculous.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
Nothing could be more truthful for me these days than the realization that the further and longer I’m away from something (someone, someplace, some ritual, some Musings) the more valuable it infinitely becomes. You may be wondering why the opening picture for this MOO is of a fireplace. More specifically, a hearth. Well, with all the traveling, bustling about you and I have been doing this month, and all the promoting and touring that our Reigning Other Queen Kristen and her royal consort Robert have been involved in, I wanted to reconnect with a concept that I have severely neglected and severely missed: Home.
Goddess of Hearth and Home
My husband N and I live in a small studio apartment in a beautiful, textured, culturally rich city with which I am absolutely in love. I have an inordinate amount of adoration for our home. However, since I was laid off and left BastardNation two years ago, we forewent the luxuries that came with having a well-paying (though soul-draining, heartbreaking) job. Luxuries like: several bedrooms, a dishwasher, or enough square footage for a couch. When we come home from work, the room we step into through our front door is the kitchen/office/coat area. It is there that we remove our jackets and hats and shoes. If we set our items down outside the designated kitchen/office/coat area, we have now moved into cluttering up the living room/library/dining area. You get what I’m saying. Our space is tiny. It is vulnerable to piles and stacks and clutter. But it is home. And when I’m away from it, I miss it. Writing Musings and connecting with you all? That also is “home” for me. I miss it. Miss you.
Since N and I both are gone for almost twelve hours each day, we are outside our little sanctuary far more than we are in. And when I was gone for seven days in November to attend the glorious Breaking Dawn premiere, sleeping in a different bed and location nearly every night, I found myself summoning strength from Hestia, the Greek Goddess of hearth, architecture, community and domesticity.
Ahhh Hestia [she is called Vesta in Roman Mythology]. She, who presides over home, Thanksgiving, fire and cooking. Does Lady Hestia remind you of anyone else, perhaps? A Goddess in her own right, and certainly someone of queenly status?
Our Rebel Queen has been absolutely remarkable this month. As she approaches the wrap up on a grueling, physical film shoot [Snow White and the Huntsman], she still found it within her capacity to leave her apartment [and current work] in London to tirelessly promote Breaking Dawn in Los Angeles for a week. A couple of observations from this time:
1.) Kristen loves her home. Meaning, literally, where she physically resides–which has been London for the past four months. Whenever she was interviewed on this promo blitz, not that I’ve seen even a tenth of the four billion interviews she’s given, Kristen happily referenced and paid homage to the culture, the people, and the food of her current UK residence.
Footnote: Know who else is English? Just sayin.
She also will gleefully and pridefully speak about her current project–Snow White and the Huntsman. #SWATH
Question: What would be another dream role for you?
Kristen: [pauses. smiling shyly] “Snow White.”
2.) Kristen’s embodiment of home [and Hestia] is not solely on a tangible level. She is utterly grounded and centered around wherever [or whomever] she has created as her hearth. It is her construct–her architecture. She has chosen to surround herself by people, places and energy that provides comfort. Look at the word “hearth”. It is not a coincidence that within that word is an entirely new word,”heart”. The hearth, like the heart, is the essential, integral center of a home, a functioning cell. All basic necessities derive from this “place of warmth, fire and heat”. To sustain life, one must be protected and warm, and have food for sustenance, both gifts bestowed from the hearth. And my Goddess, does she ever exude life and warmth and a settled-ness.
“Right now on Snow White, I’m having the most fulfilling experience as an actor.”
~Kristen to Entertainment Weekly
I don’t know that our head Majestic Misfit has ever appeared as joyful, animated or exuberant as she has these past few weeks. Her innate confidence and buoyancy seems determined to burst through the reserves placed there previously (perhaps out of protection and shyness). It’s glorious to behold.
We alluded to Ms. Stewart’s visit to Conan O’Brien’s show earlier, and it served as a reminder to share with you all how it was to see Kristen on the show, first-hand, live. I would be remiss if I didn’t stop and thank you all for your sweet tolerance of me, my blurry iPhone pics and stuttering, sporadic tweets on the days preceding and on November 14, 2011. As you know from reading my MOODrabble a few weeks ago, I was down in my old hood for a week with the goal of getting to the Breaking Dawn premiere and perhaps maybe, maybe saying hello to our Royal Rebels in person.
I flew into LAX Wednesday evening, and my beloved girl Iris (@Just2CUSmile) was so kind to pick me up and whisk me through L.A. traffic and take me to my hotel, which was across the street from L.A.Live and the Nokia Theater [and #TentCity].
Also, due to careful planning and just-plain-smarts, my dear sister @robkris13, photographer extraordinaire and full-fledged Black Carpet press-pass holder, was waiting at the hotel for me as well. After a much-needed catch-up dinner with Iris, and a game planning session with @robkris13, I fell into bed, trembling with excitement. After only about 4 hours of sleep, I trudged downstairs at 4AM to scope out the spot in line for my wristband…alongside hundreds of other enthusiasts.
There were a few rough moments, not gonna lie, in what would become my ten-hour camping-adventure. The last remaining glimmer of faith I had in Scummit Entertainment dwindled to nil and then was lit on fire; and there were a couple instances where fellow “fans” threw me under the bus without a backwards glance (don’t worry New Zealand girls, I won’t generalize your beautiful country based on your petty actions). But overall, I had the most incredible experience. The only way it could have been better is if Kristen and Rob had fist bumped me and said, “Hey, KJ, glad you could make it here after all. Other on, gurl!”
Armed with good joo-joo cast upon me by @robkris13 who somehow always snags the best breaks at Twilight events (she’s the girl who gets moved to the front row of Hall H when her neighbors cause a scuffle with security at Comic-Con); plus my anchors reminding me to Go Forth:
And my @jhiggs86 Originals:
I procured a few bracelets and a movie pass to see the world premiere of Breaking Dawn with the cast, crew and thousands of others.
So I got the bleacher seats that I wanted, across from the arrivals section of the carpet. Perfect vantage point with room to sit and see above the crowd–I’m only 5’2 and a quarter, it doesn’t make sense for me to be 3-people deep behind a barrier on the Black Carpet. I wouldn’t see jack. It’s why I was always intent on grabbing the bracelet for the Bleacher Seats, not TentCity. And in the end, I got the seat I wanted, but I gave up its front-row status because @Just2CUSmile, Iris–whom I call “IA“– had basically extended an offer to me that I couldn’t refuse.
It was a super-sekrit taping, see. No one knew Kristen was at Conan’s studio in Burbank, just hours before she was to arrive on the Black Carpet for the world premiere of the film. So my friend Iris is a resourceful girl, and when she learned she had access to two VIP tickets for Conan’s taping, she hesitated before asking me if I’d like to accompany her. She knew I’d be cutting it reeeeaaaalllly close by leaving the Breaking Dawn premiere site at Nokia Live to go with her to Burbank to see Kristen. But I couldn’t not go. You know? I am so, so glad I did. Because I got to see Kristen and her Hottie Guard JB up close, in-person, all calm, lovely and flirty with Conan and his facial hair. I saw with my own eyes Kristen’s unbelievable legs in the StewyStandard 18-inch heels, pre-tennis shoe change-out. For about ten minutes, I was in the same vicinity as Other Royalty.
Our gamble for Team CoCo seats didn’t move without moments of uncertainty, though. IA and I weren’t panicked when Coco’s crew did not announce Ms Stewart’s name as apart of the line up. We understood that Kristen wasn’t actually scheduled to be on the show til Thursday, November 17. But we also knew that Kristen and the Breaking Dawn cast was just on the other side of the filming lot, taping their appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show just an hour or so earlier. The premiere was set to “begin” around 5PM, and Coco was taping at 3PM. That was enough time for Kristen to make it, right?
Poor IA didn’t show it, but later she told me she was inwardly freaking out when we sat through an entire hour of taping, which included the very, uh, cool LL CoolJ’s interview and we had not heard even a whisper of confirmation that our Reigning Other Queen was in the building.
. . .Until IA whisper-shouted: “There’s HBG! HBG!”
I whipped around in my seat, nearly falling out of it, to see a tall, tall, handsome man lurking over by the band ‘s stage. Well, if Kristen’s dashing bodyguard JB is here, then Kristen’s here. Basta. I bounced in my seat, clasped IA’s hands in my own sweaty ones and tried to calm my shite down. We were front and center, maybe three rows back, directly behind the center-stage cameras and cue-card holders. I was going to have a prime view of our Reigning Rebel Queen, y’all. Twice. Here with the fantastic Conan O’Brien, and again from my bleacher seat at the Breaking Dawn premiere. It was a gonna be a good night.
Ahhhh, the magic of television. Conan and Andy changed their ties and Coco himself laughingly told the audience, “PRETEND that it’s THURSDAY, ok? Because our next guest is a surprise, and we’re taping her segment for Thursday’s show. So don’t you all go screaming out loud, ‘It’s MONDAY!’ because it’s not. It’s Thursday.”
When Conan announced who the guest was, our surrounding fellow studio audience members–who were there to see LL Cool J–gasped aloud and started murmuring. Not exactly Twilight fans, this audience. Not that IA nor I cared, because we were too busy jumping out of our chairs to our feet in a screaming, rousing standing ovation, because we were there to see Kristen Stewart, MoFos!! A handful of others stood up to welcome the Reigning Queen Oher, but I’d like to think in my own little fantasy bubble-world that Iris and I were the loudest and most enthusiastic Stew Supporters in the hizzouse.
So you’ve seen the show, yes? If not, the full video–including what Conan loves about Kristen–can be found on @TeamCoco’s site via THIS LINK—->kristen-stewart-privacy
I know many of you have seen Kristen up close, spoken with her, taken a picture with her, received her autograph. I had not up until this point. I can now confirm that it is no exaggeration when people have said she is simply stunning in person. She is absolutely gorgeous, you guise, seriously. Her skin is pristine, her legs are insane, her smile has the wattage of stadium floodlights. And she is so very humble. And good. It radiates from her in shimmering waves. She is kind and shy but also very calm and thoughtful. Oh and she’s funnnnny!
She has a succinct charisma about her; she is compelling. I actually didn’t hear too much of what she said, I was too captivated. It wasn’t until I watched the interview days later that I realized I had only heard maybe 60% of it while in the same room with her. It was a short interview, but a lively, bubbling one, with Conan turning almost feral when Kristen complimented him on his beard. I don’t think Kristen truly understands the love and passion she inspires in her admirers. Maybe a flustered, hissing Conan O’Brien could enhance her awareness of her power?
But again, what I witnessed in this brief glimpse was two-fold. Ms Kristen Stewart is especially fond of and acclimated to British living. And she exudes a deeper, more assured knowing of self as well. She is grounded and contemplative, but also light and witty. She seems to have connected quite profoundly with The Goddess Hestia in the knowledge that she has constructed a home; and is at home–within.
What The Dawn Brings
Still riding high from my Close Encounters with the Beautiful Kind, I was shooting off messages and tweets to my Cyber Sisters, @RobKris13, and you Twittah-peeps as IA raced from the Burbank studio back to Nokia Theater in LA. I didn’t know what the flip I was going to say to security in order to get to the bleacher seat that I most likely sacrificed in order to see Kristen on CoCo. All I know is that I was grasping JHiggs’ beautiful paintings in my hands and IA all but launched me out of the passenger seat of her car byway of an eject button. I was gasping out frenzied screams thanking IA for her amazing James Bond-esque driving, but she probably didn’t hear me because I was booking it down the street towards …the roar.
You may have already lost your eyesight over seen my blurry iPhone pics. Don’t ask me why I didn’t bring my actual digital camera for the occasion. I do not know what to tell you except I was contemplating the virtues of emergency camping gear and rain gear first in case I had to literally camp out…Anyhoo. Because I knew that Kristen had just left Conan’s studio in Burbank, I didn’t feel panicked that I’d miss her or Taylor’s or Rob’s arrival. Thanks to IA’s mad skillz, I arrived at the perfect time.
None of the main cast had arrived yet, and the bleachers were not filled, not really. I did lose my front row spot, but I was at an elevated angle directly across from drop-off area. I can’t remember what exactly I told the three security guards that tried to stop me from climbing into the bleachers past the barricades, but I know I smiled, and showed them my hard-fought-for wristband and explained that I was separated from my party, yadda yadda. They let me through and suddenly I was within dizzying proximity of The Pretty. I knew that my girl @robkris13 was literally on the Black Carpet, in the press pit, snapping away like the talented professional photog that she is, probably having a spiritual experience. She had the best seat in the house, but mine, in my opinion, was a very close second.
I had room to sit. I was elevated and could survey the whole plaza and street. My fellow bleacher-cohorts (with the exception of one obnoxiously dramatic woman) were respectful and giddy and energized and we all shared the space contentedly. We exchanged fist bumps, high-fives, giggles and eye-rolling sighs of exasperation when the situation called for such (i.e. aforementioned obnoxious, dramatic woman). And we enjoyed the first moments of interaction and attention when the arriving actors, writers, musicians and models would step out of their vehicles.
The roar only swelled from this point on…I had to conserve my phone battery, since my dumb arse didn’t bring a car charger with me. I didn’t take as many pictures as I would have liked…But thank your lucky stars I practiced restraint, because you would have been subjected to enough blurry pictures to launch a migraine. I’ll show you a couple more, then switch over to the professional pics, ok? Would you like to take a gander at @robkris13‘s amazing shots? Here ya gooooo—-> robkris13Photography
And when Rob, Kristen, and Taylor arrived…they didn’t head to the Black Carpet. They immediately ran behind their SUVs and went straight to the bleachers. Bodyguards in tow, Nikes in place. Both Kristen and Rob got close enough to me, that if I really, really wanted to–though at the risk of causing a brawl–I could send my signs over head for autographs. But I opted against it (this time) and chose to hover back and hold my signs up for them to read if they looked up from their tasks at hand. I was pretty content when both Kristen and Robert lifted their gazes and saw me waving my signs. Pretty content, because I had yet another moment of sharing the physical space with such generous, inspiring, and regal spirits.
And to later see pictures that further confirmed the special bond and fierce protectiveness they have with one another and their relationship…
It’s been over two weeks now since this wonderful event occurred. I’ve seen the film three times (I know, I know, that’s a low number comparatively, right?) I am drastically behind in watching interviews and gawking over such profound moments of beauty, but I don’t mind. Thank you all for bearing with me as I am super late to the party in discussing the sheer magnitude of epicness the Breaking Dawn premiere [and release] bestowed.
I absolutely adored the dress Kristen wore to the World Premiere in Los Angeles. I am gaga over the fact that she wore her Nikes first so that she could move comfortably and swiftly alongside the barriers and bleachers to accommodate as many fans as possible. Her makeup was immaculate and her hair, in the messy, braided bun…well that’s what dreams are made of.
And should we talk about that waist-high skirt-slit????
The color coordination among the Twi Trio just kills me. That is simply too much Pretty for the system. And their friendship and playfulness and support of each other is only made of WIN.
But at the end of the day, after hours of waiting in line, sitting on a sidewalk, lolling around sleep deprived and achey, it’s the wild, assured certainty that Kristen emanates…and the way she and her Rebellious Partner in Crime Robert look at each other that marks this as Game Over for me. Because this is how Hestia and Home and hearth manifests with our Reinging Royal Rebels. In being sure-[Nike] footed, and proud of the work they are producing. In being fulfilled by self acceptance and protection…and acceptance and protection of each other.
Home manifests when operating as a fluid system, in feeling pride in decisions made for oneself and one’s family. Home and hearth is expressed in the knowledge that no matter where we physically are or how long we are away, we have a steadfast, earnest, inner compass as a guide for our return.
Gratitude for Stew and You
…which leads me to the concluding thoughts for tonight’s essay. I have felt disconnected and a little sad because I haven’t been as in touch with you, and with writing MOO [i.e. following Bliss]. Last year for Thanksgiving, I listed all things I was grateful for since joining this community and Musing aloud with you all. I want to pay homage to that event by reiterating my gratitude this year as well, albeit a few days late. I have been apart of the K/R/Twi Community since pre-Twilight, Summer 2008. I only started writing MOO in June of last year. Never in my wildest, most medicated dreams did I foresee meeting such extraordinary people; being privy to a passionate group of #OtherRebels boasting brilliant, crazy ideas and philosophies, and even bigger, exuberant, inspiring hearts.
In honor of Thanksgiving and the Goddess Hestia, who presides over Hearth, Home, Family and Community, I declare utmost gratitude for the lovely, the fierce and rebellious Ms Kristen Jaymes Stewart and her Warrior Poet Robert Thomas Pattinson. For without his and her independent, majestic, unconventional beauty, I may not have found the gumption to begin Musing aloud with you. And if I hadn’t opened my big, rambling, chattering mouth, I probably never would have met you all. I probably wouldn’t have decided to fly down to LA to try to camp out for movie tickets and a chance to see famous, pretty rebels in person. I probably would not have met you– you who are inspiring warriors and the dearest of dear friends. I am unspeakably humbled by your presence in my life. You are home for me.
Next time we’re going to make a dent in all the rebel greatness by discussing the glorious Breaking Dawn UK Premiere, which was the producer of a few Kristen and Robert pictures that may be the best. Ever.
We’ll talk Entertainment Weekly, aka, The Interview In Which I Need To Make T-Shirts Out Of Every Verbal Statement Made, #FuckYouBothInTheFaceForLaughing….. and I’ve got an extra copy or two of EW to give away to you lovelies…
And we’ll actually talk about the movie itself. Hopefully you all will have seen it by then, so there won’t be any spoilers. Until we meet again, I wanted to let you know that I have not one but two magazine giveaways happening this week. Check the A/N for details and how to enter. Serious love and gratitude goes out to every single one of you who for some reason check in with me and read my loquacious monologues. I will see you sooner than later, Lovelies. Always, KJ
We are Other.
Kristen is Other.
Others recognize Home as not a solely tangible idea.
Embrace your Other.
* * *
Special gropes and love to:
My CyberSisters/SmutSisters/GoodReads Girls
Heather Ree~ my dearest: Welcome to Twilight, baby.
@Mel452 and @Nhess_V
@allthingsHHH and @SoCalMom2Four ~ it was a pleasure meeting you, lovely ladies
@RobKris13 … @Just2CUSmile and Mari-Pai who made my time in L.A. simply sublime
It’s GIVEAWAY TIME!!!!
I have one copy of GQUK for you….
and two copies of Glamour to give away…
TO ENTER the GIVEAWAY: Just answer a question from the magazine you’re interested in when you leave your comment…..
For GQUK: Kristen cites ‘On The Road’ as her ‘first-ever favourite book’. What is your first-ever favourite book, and would you accept the role [and responsibility] of bringing it to film?
For Glamour: Kristen advises honesty and knowing yourself as the key to relationships. What would you advise fellow #Others on relating…?
ESSAY’s MUSIC PLAYLIST
What You Wanted ~Angus & Julia Stone
Let Me Sign ~ Robert Pattinson
Islands in the Stream ~ Constantines and Feist
Let’s Get Lost ~ Bat For Lashes feat Beck
Falling ~ Florence and the Machine