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I can understand on a very personal level that pain and anguish can trigger spellbinding creativity. At the very least, conflict and confrontation sparks a need to respond–hell, it’s why I began writing this little blog in the first place, almost 2 years ago. Today is my four year wedding anniversary, eliciting a sappy, nostalgic mood. I recall that it was April 2008, four years ago, that I foraged into the Twilight Community for the first time. [See –> Origins Of Musings Page ] And it was two years ago in 2010 that I began formulating the beginnings of what would be Musings On Other Queens ..[See–> The First Ever Musings] Big deals happening all over the place, I’m telling you. *winking at Josie Belle Cullen and @CaraNoFic*
Okay, so Kristen, it’s 2008, and suddenly you are omniscient. I simply could not remain silent about the unfounded, unfair and oft times vitriolic criticism that also instantaneously emerged. Your name was uttered in households the world over…[I’m searching for the word….iconic?] and you were the most beguiling [divisive?] topic of discussion, simply because you accepted a new job in your already impressive career. I could be wrong, but I don’t know that you ever, in your wildest imagination, anticipated the maelstrom that resulted from your decision to portray the role of a seventeen-year-old human girl who fell in love with a vegetarian vampire. I don’t know that you had foreseen [and who could have?] that your mere attendance at a desert music festival this weekend would lead to new shrines and discussion boards…But for the record: You do look fantastic. And by that I mean: healthy, jubilant, inspired and amorous. Luminous. Congratulations on your face and that smile, btw. And P.S. way to rock the short-shorts, baby.
Sooo, as I was saying: I completely get that conflict and heartache certainly can be a catalyst for the creation of something big, phenomenal, even. However, this month, as your second year in your second decade of life commenced, I witnessed how positivity and love took center stage and emerged into a Celebration. You, my friend, are the reason for countless gratitudes so many hold, and that I myself have procured over the years. During your birthday week, I sat back and stared in wonderment as people–thousands, probably hundreds of thousands, maybe millions? of people–stepped forward and found their voices to express their admiration for you, because you came into being. Because you exist.
I had never been more in love with this community than I was that week. You’ve probably seen these, but they’re worth a second or twenty-second glance… oh my, my the talent.
Team Kristen Site’s Birthday Project: http://tksbdayproject.tumblr.com/
@Fiorel90’s Birthday Video:
There Are Places I Remember
A little over three weeks ago, I posted the first new Musings On Other Queens, KStew and Unconventional Beauty [yes, I full-named myself] memo after two months of being…away. It was glorious and painstaking and tedious all at once. I had taken a hiatus, because heartbreak in my personal life was affecting my ability to create. I came back because you and your fearless pursuit to know and honor Marylou of the seminal On The Road film project helped equip me with the lady balls to plow forward, onward. But it was brutal. I cannot lie, these past few months have been absolutely awful.
These days, I swing wildly between elation and terror. You have provided me this courage to follow through on my wild, maybe unreasonable, whimsy to pursue a smorgasbord of Bliss. Last week, I went to a formal job interview, the first in over a year, for a supervisor/trainer position at a counseling agency which provides support and encouragement to teenagers in neglected and underserved communities. It’s an end-of-the-line intervention before said teens turn to gangs, drugs and prostitution in their desperation for obtaining the feeling of safety, belonging and home.
I hadn’t walked into the interview with any expectations. I have a good thing going for me right now; I didn’t need (nor want) to return to bureaucracy, and certainly not after my experience with my previous job, at Bastard Nation. But I went in for the interview anyway, and the directors provided hope and fresh perspective and I suddenly felt excitement for working with community agencies again. And they wanted me for my Other characteristics–my physical features, my youth, my unconventional perspectives. You are the catalyst who imbued the bravery I needed to even consider returning to the field, Kristen. You.
Additionally, I have taken some major steps towards developing and expanding my private practice into a consulting business which would incorporate group discussions, webinars and training on grief, empowerment and resilience, my areas of expertise. This means that I am putting my credibility [and my face!!] on the line and online to share what I know (whether inherently or due to years of training and nurturing) with an audience outside of my perfect, bubble-wrapped Musings world. Like…on YouTube and shit. Vulnerable much? I’ve got my own demons to fight, my girl, but the point is: I am owning it. I am pushing through what is to get to where I want to be. Just as you do on a daily basis. #OwnIT
For People and Things That Went Before…
The second gratitude I have as a result of your existence is the goodness you bring via your admirers and supporters. They’re the best, Kristen, I swear to you. I know I’m biased, but I’ve been around long enough to see exceptional people exhibiting [mirroring your own?] extraordinary qualities. Four years ago, when I tip-toed unsuspectingly into the Twilight community via MTV interviews and E!Online lurkfests, I didn’t know. I didn’t fully understand the enormity and passion that you incited in people. I still am stunned by it today, honestly. But by chatting with people, watching YouTube fanvids, by meeting my CyberSisters and Readers face-to-face, I found the most incredible people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. After writing the first Musings, I received poignant, empowering emails and letters from Readers around the world. People who sought an authentic connection and held pride in representing the deviants, the Awkward Ones, the unconventional, The Others. I’ve gained lifelong, best friends and sources for inspiration. We were/are all bound by the protectiveness and admiration we hold for you, and for Robert, and your unwavering mission of authenticity.
I talk to some of these amazing people every day. EVERY. DAY. I speak to my CyberSisters and Readers more than I do my family. I have never met a more vibrant, brilliant, compassionate group of people than I have in my association with this community, the Supportive Kristen Community. And oh my gawd they’re amazing. Not only in their support of YOU, but of ME, and in OTHERS everywhere…Because they remind me every day that Other is everywhere.
…In my life, I’ve Loved Them All
As do you, Ms Stewart. You model for us a congruent Otherness that is unparalleled. You have been a pristine Ambassador of Other for Musings. You have been both a candle burning steadily and a mirror, reflecting the luminosity of Royal Rebels abound. You have worn the crown on your head, even through turbulent waters, gracefully and relentlessly.
I had no inkling of an idea that I would stumble into the cavernous treasure trove of possibility, friendship, support, love, passion and courage when I joined the murmured discussion about a young woman named Kristen Stewart all those years ago. But today I can see that it was serendipitous that I did. This little
Musings Letter is merely my attempt at expressing sentiments that are nearly impossible to articulate–my utmost gratitude for the existence of you. Thank you. You have beatified my life profoundly, and probably obliviously. I bow down in awe, humility and respect to you, nonetheless. Happy Birthday, Kristen Jaymes Stewart.
Love and Light, KJ